posted July 31, 2003 11:34 AM            

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lol - I don't have anything against anyone, but this is funny for me because it's "watching" two other groups (as a joke)...
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An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.

"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.

"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta take a leak."

"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges.

"Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."

The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers.

"Ahhh," he said in relief.

Then turning toward the officer, he said,

"This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"

"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

IP: 66.13.23.218

posted August 04, 2003 12:10 PM              

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Hey, the great Admin has appeared!!!

And, for good measure:

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Here lies a toppled god --
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.
Tleilaxu Epigram
Dune Messiah, Frank Herbert

IP: 165.247.190.57

posted August 08, 2003 10:25 AM            

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And the greater team member has reappeared... great to E you, Muvlo!

IP: 64.164.174.176

posted December 23, 2004 11:12 AM              

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More cats...

* Famous Cat Quotes*
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." - Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." - Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." - Unknown

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." - Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit." - John S. Nichols

IP: 68.255.153.85

posted December 23, 2004 11:23 AM              

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Still more cat jokes...

* Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
* Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
* What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
* What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
* Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
* What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
* What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?
* What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
* How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
* Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
* Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes.
* Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
* What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
* What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
* What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
* What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
* What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!
* What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
* Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
* What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
* What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
* What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
* If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
* Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.
* If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.
* Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
* How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
* What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
* What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
* What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.
* What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
* How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
* What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
* Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.
* What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter.
* What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
* How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.
* Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
* If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.
* What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."
* What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
* Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap.
* Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
* What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
* What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac.
* What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
* Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
* What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
* Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
* Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.

IP: 68.255.153.85

posted February 10, 2006 03:01 PM            

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ... And stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies........."

She says:

Wait for it, Wait, Wait, ok scroll down.

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"You just happened to catch my eye."

IP: 66.77.144.8